Cut cords of attachment: toxic relationships
Are you in a relationship that is draining your energy and affecting you negatively? Do you keep thinking about a person and it prevents you from being at peace with yourself? It may be time to cut cords and attachment and toxic relationships. This is a longer or shorter process, depending on the person and the specific connection. But one thing is for sure: it is possible to overcome it!
By reading this article, you will learn what toxic relationships are, and why you should cut them. I will also explain what you can do today to do this, and gradually detach yourself.
What cut cords of attachment, or negative cords cutting means?
First of all, toxic relationships are any relationships that affect you negatively. This can be in a relationship with a family member, a friend. Or a colleague at work, or a romantic partner.
The subtle alienating links or cords of attachment
Indeed, on the subtle plane, we also speak of karmic links and etheric links. These are energetic links, which are not necessarily tangible. But they can also affect us on a relational level in the form of a phenomenon that is difficult to understand. I won’t go into too much detail on the subject in order to respect everyone’s beliefs. The important thing is to understand that these links can also be “cut” and transformed. This often leads to a feeling of relief, and more fluidity in the relationship.
Obviously, they are part of our lives: with others, our environment, ourselves… Keeping them healthy and harmonious is important to feel at peace. But depending on the patterns we have integrated since childhood, this is not always obvious. The good news is that it can be learned! However, you have to dare to look inside yourself, observe your behaviours and start to become aware of them.
Why do I attract toxic people?
Indeed, if this pattern comes back into your life, it is not without reason. There are many possible reasons for this:
- Family beliefs and transgenerational memories that cause behavioural patterns
- Some of your personality characteristics (too nice, avoid conflict, need to help)
- Obsessive thoughts, addictive behaviour
Working with a therapist on your behaviours and beliefs will help to free you from old memories.
Recognise toxic relationships
Note that there are many types of toxic relationships. For example, a deeply ill or depressed sibling or a manipulative parent. But also a partner who distances you from your friends, a friend who behaves aggressively. Or a colleague who blackmails you.
Knowing if a relationship is toxic for you
- Feeling bad, uncomfortable in the presence of this person
- Feeling like you are not yourself anymore, losing confidence in yourself
- You are tired after seeing them
- You are obsessed with this person and can’t stop thinking about them
Behaviours of a toxic person
- Negative, very judgmental
- Intrusive, and tries to control you
- Angry, self-centred, liar
- Likes to take (time, attention..) but rarely gives
Beware, not every person who is toxic to you is necessarily a manipulator, or a bad person. It is above all a person in pain. And I would add possibly in physiological and psycho-emotional imbalance. This does not excuse a behaviour, and does not exclude the need to get away from it! On the other hand, take care to remain in control of yourself. And this, so as not to feed this negative relationship with anger.
But if this is a recent and abnormal behaviour for this person, kindly refer them to a professional. Instead, present your concern as a physiological or physical stress-related concern. This will probably be easier to accept. Avoid the “you should see a shrink”, stay in good communication, please!
-> Read the article on caring communication: “How to communicate your needs“.
Why to cut cords of attachment & end toxic relationships?
Whether it is related to a person or obsessive thoughts, it affects your health in the long run.
Firstly, a toxic relationship creates stress and upsets your balance. And the greater the stress, the more it affects your body physically and physiologically. The body will find it increasingly difficult to cope with the stress and maintain its homeostatic balance. As a result, many symptoms can appear, depending on the person. Such as great fatigue, chronic sleep problems, digestive problems. Or muscular tension and back and headaches.
Psychological and emotional stress
Secondly, a toxic relationship can put a strain on your self-confidence. To the point of doubting your own qualities and seeing your self-esteem plummet… Plus the fact that emotional bond will really drain your energy. Also, it take away your attention: you could use this time for yourself or manage your own projects instead.
How to cut cords of attachment?
After identifying toxic relationships, there are some behaviours to change. Because if you don’t have the power to change the other person, you have the ability to change your attitude. And also, to change your perspective. It is essential to learn to take your place and gain confidence.
Indeed, there are some simple actions we can take to transform our toxic relationships. However, dealing with the root of the problem is more complex. Because what is not solved at the source tends to return. This is called a behavioural pattern.
In reality, we don’t cut toxic ties, we transform them. In particular, our perspectives and our behaviour. And this has a positive impact on those around us! Because changing the way we react to a situation necessarily changes the response of the people involved.
Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformedAntoine Lavoisier
1. Distance yourself physically
With a relative, close friend
If you can, avoid seeing the person. Be clear, even though you know the person may be affected by this decision. This does not have to be a permanent break, but sometimes it is necessary to protect yourself. Taking a step back can sometimes save a future relationship, especially when it is a relative.
Depending on the context and the issues at stake, it is not always possible to distance yourself from the person concerned immediately. Or to leave the situation that is affecting us negatively. Sometimes a transition is necessary, and it has to be thought through and prepared carefully. For example, when a visa is at stake, childcare, a business partner. Stay confident: one step at a time. Don’t hesitate to call on professionals to help you through the process.
Toxic relationship with a co-worker
Keep it professional, and keep the exchanges to a minimum. Don’t offer your ear to that person’s confidence. Being a good listener is a quality. But learn to offer this listening to the people in charge, ready to welcome with humility. You are not here to save the world: think of yourself. On the contrary, it is a gift for you, and for the person who will follow his or her evolutionary path.
With a life partner, or love partner
It is sometimes complicated to walk away when it comes to a love partner. On the one hand, there may be emotional attachment (or dependence). On the other hand, there may be other issues such as children. Nothing is impossible, but it requires more organisation beforehand and even negotiation.
Sometimes it is difficult to move away. Because we haven’t got to the end of the relationship and what it has to teach us. And this is true even if it is a toxic person. This is how things work: we cannot always act in force and against our resistance. Until the day when it is obvious, you feel ready to make the right decision for yourself. Get a therapist to help you get over this hurdle and stop attracting harmful relationships into your life.
2. Stop being too nice
Learn to set boundriess and say no to respect yourself. It is important to listen to yourself more, in order to be able to recognise what is right for you. Human beings are like that: each one acts in a way to fulfil his own needs. In relationships, it is right when two needs meet in a balanced way. But no one has to use the other to do so, let alone without gratitude.
Being helpful and kind can be a quality. But to be too much is to forget yourself. Never do anything to your own detriment! This is the principle of the oxygen mask in the plane. The adult puts it on before the child so that he can help him. You can only help the other person when you are able to help yourself.
Does this sound too difficult? I recommend that you identify the fear that prevents you from taking a stand.
3. Stay calm, and don’t take things personally
Breath, and do not enter into the other’s game, nor into the reality you could create for yourself (with all the inner talk). Instead, try to clear your mind and observe what is going on. In short, take some distance to see things more clearly. It is rich in teaching.
When the other person attacks you by saying “you…” tell yourself in your head that he means “I…”. Don’t take what is said personally. Pay attention to the other person’s vocabulary: you will know more about them and what they want to tell you.
4. Observe your behaviour, increase your self-love
Behaviour does not define who we are, and can be changed. Observing yourself will allow you to become aware, transform, and gain confidence in yourself. If you can’t control the other, you can change yourself! You have an incredible potential and you certainly don’t know it. Because we all have talents!
But increasing your self-esteem is not always easy. It is therefore recommended not to isolate yourself and to seek the help of a therapist.
5. Match man exercice to cut cords of attachment
Take a sheet of paper, a pencil and scissors.
- Draw yourself on the left side of the paper, and the other on the right side of the paper as a stick figure. Write the names underneath.
- Surround each person with a circle of light with rays to symbolise them.
- Surround the two people with their circle with a large circle of light.
- Draw the 7 chakras of each person, and connect each one with a line.
- Cut the paper in half. Separate the two ends, and look at them for a moment.
This is a way to let your brain integrate that they are two different entities. And that there is no attachment between you.
Repeat this process as often as necessary.
6. Get help to cut cords of attachment: release toxic, alienating, negative ties
You can get a reiki therapist to help you do this. This practice is very effective and allows you to recover your energy, and free yourself from the other person’s hold. But every time you feed the relationship (even with your thoughts) you feed the links, and you have to start again. From the Reiki course level 2, I teach you to act on alienating bonds.
Body mind therapy
However, sometimes things are more complex than they seem… Performing an energetic cut is very effective when it comes to cutting toxic ties in the case of a relationship. But in the case of obsessive thoughts, therapeutic work dealing with the psychological and emotional is necessary.
7. Consult a therapist
A behaviour always has a reason for the person, and an original cause. To find the memory at the origin of any blockage, it is sometimes necessary to dig deep. And it is only by releasing the origin that we can transform a behaviour. Or ensure that a pattern is no longer repeated.
This is the work I propose to do together in kinesiology, through the body and the mind.
To release emotional stress and change behavioural patterns, I use themethod of brain integration: 3 in 1 concepts. This works wonderfully well with emdr, for example, in cases where the memory at the origin is traumatic. In kinesiologie, this process is called “eye movement brain reprogramming”.
In a face-to-face setting, I will be able to work on the somatic language of the body. In particular, to release tissue memories and fascias that are sensitive to stress. It is similar to tissue and cranio sacral osteopathy (remember that kinesiology comes from chiropractic, the American version of osteopathy). On line, I show you acupressure points from shiatsu (do-in) and traditional Chinese medicine. This way, you can still act on the tissues and organs.
Dance therapy to improve your self estime and confidence
If you like movement and dance, you would probably like my dance therapy programme. This process invite you to unify yourself, by bringing back all the part of the self that has been left aside. Because it was too difficult to see it at that time, or to hard to love them. But movement and dance therapy allows your deep self to express itself, and let your body and subconscious talk.
It help to reconnect with your body & release tensions. Rediscover yourself, and feel the flow of life. Heal your relationships : with yourself, the world. Transform your attitude and embodying your feminine / masculine power. It’s a journey and an experience that I offer you. If you are ready for your transformation, let’s go there together !
In conclusion, while cutting toxic ties is fairly simple and quick, getting out of a toxic relationship is not so easy. The same goes for ending obsessive thoughts. The duration of the therapeutic work depends on several factors. Because we start from where you are today, placed in a context. But what is certain is that I have seen many people successfully overcome these challenges. You can too, because together everything is possible!
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