Stop complaining all the time and be happier: tips on how to stop complaining, grumbling. Save your relationships, work, and more positivity! But why can’t we always manage to look on the bright side of life? It is not always easy to put things into perspective. But relativizing is still comparing or judging… Wrong track. Where is the right one, then?
How to stop complaining, stop bitching for good?
What does it mean to complain?
“It’s not true”, “not him again”, “it’s me again”, “people, they…”, the “rooohh, “pfff, “oh la la…” It’s all over! Honestly, do you want to be in the company of someone who complains all the time about everything and nothing? About the rain and the sun? About others who are like this or like that? It’s true that it’s not pleasant in everyday life. But before you want to throw your wife, husband, children, or your car that doesn’t start out of the window, a break is in order!
Basically, complaining or grumbling is when a person naggers against external causes of an event. Or judges the behaviour of others as inadequate or unreasonable in relation to his or her ideal standards. A form of intolerance for what is, basically, and a permanent dissatisfaction. In short… a lot of accumulated frustration. And probably for a number of years.
But what is behind all this? Because there is no such thing as a bad person, or a “bad temperament”. Human beings do not have a good or bad nature. Our attitudes do not define us and fortunately. Behind every behaviour, there is a reason. And often, suffering and need.
What lies behind complaining
First of all, let’s avoid hasty judgements. Indeed, if a person does nothing but complain, it is first and foremost that he or she is unhappy. And it is very likely that the latter has needs, important to them, that are not being met. I would add that it is quite possible that in reality she is struggling to identify her needs, to communicate them, so that she can give herself a chance to meet them. I’d add that she may well have difficulty identifying her needs, communicating them, so that she can give herself a chance to meet them.
As I explained in my article, expressing, how to communicating your needs non-violently is paramount for ecological and harmonious relationships. But depending on the context in which one grew up, this is not something that is obvious to everyone. For some, there was never room for self-expression. Especially in authoritarian and strict families. Or in some cultures, where children have little say.
Is complaining more common in some cultures than others?
We could guess that it is. It’s quite obvious when you travel a lot, you notice that behaviours vary a lot from one country to another. In some parts of the world, there is either no time or place for complaining. Or the harmony of the whole takes precedence over the individual and his feelings.
This is for example the case in Japan. The awareness of the harmony of the collective, of the space including how to harmonize your living place, of the energy of an environment is very important. Everyone is always careful not to push each other around, to respect the common spaces. Because the attitude of an individual necessarily affects the group and its smooth running. It’s quite ingrained in the culture and education.
The influence of Buddhism
I don’t think I am wrong in mentioning the strong influence of Buddhism. For when one is in this process of respecting living things as a whole, it flows naturally to respect others. And this is for the well-being of all. And when something unwanted happens, we have the wonderful expression “shoganai”, to be understood in the sense of “what can I do about it”.
In other countries, like France, complaining at home, about the neighbours, and grumbling at work is unfortunately common. It is also noticeable that the management of space is completely different. The individual tends to take precedence over the group. Of course, it is not a question of comparing, that is not the point. It is simply to note that human behaviour is often linked to several factors. Whether it is education, cultural traditions and habits, or philosophies of life. Whether or not they are related to religious practices.
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How to stop complaining
Tip 1. Accept what is
Some things we have power over, and some things we do not. This is the way it is. Humans like to control everything, yet there are laws in the universe that they cannot control. The important thing is to learn. Focus on observing things. The world, nature, your senses, your thoughts, your emotions, your mind.
Knowing yourself is a key to moving towards acceptance and resilience. And thus, fostering positive attitudes and positives thoughts. Ideally, it’s about moving towards reducing thoughts….. Learning meditation can greatly help with this if you’re struggling to accept what is, and calm your ever-turning mind.
Tip 2. Practice gratitude
It’s so simple and yet… Simply saying thank you feels so good! Not only to the other person, but also to yourself. If you don’t know how to do this, I invite you to read this article “how to practice gratitude”
It’s an exercise, a habit to get into. Like any skill, it can be learned. And to go further, I invite you to learn Usui Reiki, of which one of the 5 principles is “just today, I am in gratitude”. I invite you to read my article to discover what is Reiki Usui Ryoho, in its original form.
Tip 3: Celebrate every success
Well done, every little victory counts! No one else can reward you for what you have accomplished. Don’t wait for others to do it… you’re the one to do it.
If it’s too difficult, it’s because you have to work on your childhood wounds. Often, there is a lack of recognition in yourself to overcome. But of course, everything has to be analysed before conclusions can be drawn. In kinesiology, this can be worked on very well.
Tip 4. Listen to your needs, express them, and try to satisfy them in a healthy way.
The more you listen to yourself and your needs, the better you will be responsible for them. Contrary to what you may think, it is to know how to meet your needs. This is positive selfishness, showing that you know yourself well.
It also reduces “expectations” which are generally not beneficial in the relationship. Thus, communicating your needs allows you to be clearer with yourself and others. It is therefore “safer” to connect with you emotionally for the other person.
Tip 5. Never suppress an emotion, or move forward with resistance
Not only is this unproductive, but in the long run you can develop serious health concerns. Emotions, when unexpressed, crystallise in the body and affect the proper functioning of our organs. Of course, I am summarising and shortening, as it is a bit more complex than that.
If dealing with emotions is a difficulty for you, or you have difficulty expressing yourself, art therapy and particularly dance therapy can help you. Besides being for all ages and genders, it is very enjoyable and allows you to discover your talents. And for the professional world, as in everyday life, it is the key to success! You never get ahead with resistance. I invite you to read this article on how to express and free your creativity
Tip 6. Dare to make decisions that are good for you
Even if they seem to go against the grain of society, family expectations… This will save you many frustrations in the future! Because frustrations make you grumble or lead to anger. Anger can affect the Liver, which has a link with decision-making power, according to Chinese medicine. And when it’s not clear where the head and body are going, it’s out of alignment… watch out for sprains! It also puts you in worry for nothing, and your spleen as well as your pancreas, they don’t like worries well.
For a rebalancing of your organs, think about having a Chinese energy checkup every now and then. A shiatsu massage or a touch for health kinesiology balancing will restore the proper functioning of all your organs. If you are interested in the link between organs and emotions, you can read this article on spring in Chinese medicine where I talk about impatience and anger.
And for worries, there are also exercises on the subject in Reiki Usui course. With a very effective meditation, and an exercise to be done over and over again as much as necessary!
Tip 7. The box method
You know the great way to stop doing something… like grumbling?
- Find an empty box.
- Every time you complain, put 5 cents in a box…
- And you count tonight!
This method works for everything, it’s magic!
And if it still doesn’t work? Make an appointment for a body mind therapy session, either face-to-face or online, and we’ll find out together what you’re not happy with in your life… and that you can change!
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